Letters to Amsterdam

I have long awaited, dreaded, and tried hard to fight the reality of tonight's post, my last in Amsterdam.  My stomach hurts just writing that reality...my bags are packed and I'm heading back to America tomorrow, leaving my bicycle tracks and treads atop the cobblestone streets of my now European-soil home.  I'm running on two hours of sleep now, overwhelmed with the prospect of finishing the last bits of cleaning, deeply saddened by the goodbyes I've said and anxious about my last tomorrow.  Hannah and I are flying to London tomorrow morning, where some greater force will supposedly separate us and set us on our way to New York and Washington.  We spent our last day here drinking coffee, meandering through markets, walking slowly over canal bridges and alongside our reflection in the water, soaking it all in with a huge range of feelings and emotions rushing through us.

As I mentioned previously, the last couple of weeks have been quite the roller coaster ride of emotion.  One minute I am ready to leave and see family and friends, and the next I'm struggling to find optimism in my too-soon departure.  Our program directors warned us about this hilly drive through the highway of being abroad, and an expressway it has been: the time has flown by faster than I imagined possible.  It feels like only four minutes ago (impossible to accept that it was in fact four months ago) that my adrenaline rush was not from the angst of impending departure but rather the arrival in my gorgeous new home and extended awe at this city only comprehensible when experienced first-hand.  Now, I'm tired, running on empty, teary, and particularly exhausted from the last two weeks of craziness.

Deciding to come abroad was an extremely difficult decision for me, and there were many moments when I sincerely doubted I'd make it here, even after I'd committed.  Now, having spent these four months building relationships with new people and places, learning how to travel with each of my senses fully heightened and alert, discovering the value in taking time for myself, and staying confident in my ability to constantly find new excitements, I am more grateful than ever for my decision and pursuit of this semester abroad.  I was attracted to Amsterdam's bicycle culture, and a good friend from Brandeis who came on the program last year assured me that I'd love it here; but, I knew not what to expect or how I would fare in this new space, so far removed from my comforts at home and school.  Somehow, though, the purchased plane ticket and constant orientation emails from CIEE pulled me across the ocean and, from day one, I've been having the best time.

I'm not really sure if this post has much direction.  I am indeed in the middle of processing everything, which is definitely difficult to do at 4 in the morning, and will continue to make sense of all this as the coming weeks roll in.  My recent tendency to strive to focus on the good stuff, the silver lining and the potential for the positive to emerge atop it all has undoubtedly helped console my teary self in the last week as I've thought about leaving.  Today, it's hard to find the energy to think too much about anything other than packing and the sadness that comes along with leaving newly formed incredible friends who feel like life-long pals.  Saying bye to Kyle this morning at the tram stop was one of the hardest goodbyes I've ever had, and it took Hannah and I a while to catch our breath and move on with the day.  Tomorrow is bound to be challenging too, but a recent conversation with one of my best friends from home reminded me that, even though it seems impossible now, I will indeed come home to comforting faces and places and will learn to move along in my home/school life with this semester firmly solidified in my memory and with the absolute possibility for visiting these kids soon enough.

Ultimately, despite the circles under my eyes and momentary upset, I recognize that I am leaving Amsterdam with so much more strength than I arrived with, and having accomplished all of the personal goals I set forth both before leaving the States, and after landing here.  I have so much to be grateful for, which is so important to remember on tough nights like these.  Here's to the most incredible four months: endless learning, effortless adventure, midnight laughs and 2 a.m. bike rides through the canal rings, wonderful new friends, beautiful photographs, challenges so worth facing, and a growing sense of personal strength.  In Dutch, cheers is "proost;" so, cheers to these months and everything they've given me to inscribe in this especially enlightening chapter of my life.  See you soon, A'dam.  Miss you already. 

Goodbye, Gezellig Room

In honor of my cozy, wonderful room and the comfort I found here every day...

Thank you, Mom!

All from Mom :)

Dank Je Wel, Yoga!

I could not be more pleased with my almost mid-semester decision to pick up weekly yoga classes at The Yoga School, where Hatha yoga became my new saving grace.  I picked up the asanas (poses) and breathing exercises quicker than expected, was able to move up to level 2, and did several headstands without a wall for support.  More importantly, though, I pushed myself to take time for myself every week, indulging myself in an activity I have long loved and refusing to let other plans stand in my way.  In the end, from my 30-minute sun salutation "warm ups" to our candle-staring meditations, I loved every minute of my time in the yoga studio, and definitely intend to take this practice back home. 

Amsterdam Finale

 Major Highlights/Accomplishments of My Final Week:
-went to a meditation class at my yoga studio
-I wrote over 60 pages this week among my three finals
-finished all my finals relatively stress-free
-cooked some pretty delicious dinners at home

-Ashley visited!
-began our Amsterdam finale celebrations
-cleaned my room for one last time to take pictures before packing
-went to the Squatter house for dinner (knocking more items off the bucket list)
-bicycled around the city and smiled amidst my sadness about leaving
-I'm still here (and I'm so happy about that) but I'll be home with my most loved ones so soon (and I'm so happy about that)

This week brought much fun, even a sort of hilarity, amidst my paper writing scarily representative of my typical finals-week workload at Brandeis.  My semester was fairly academically simple, at least in comparison to all the work I have at home, but this past week presented me with the challenge of three written finals, each of which required extensive reading, research, outlining, and time to synthesize my thoughts in a cohesive and presentable paper.  My study locations ranged from my room to my favorite cafes, and eventually the library to really kill those papers.

Pre-finals pleasure reading (which I have made a practice of committing myself to every morning!)

Finals have begun, as has Kyle's week-long job as a paparazzi.

Cafe Tuin

View from the top of the public library

Hannah indulging in our life savor 4 hours into paper-writing...pocket coffee (espresso shot inside a chocolate bar)

Luckily, though, even through the craziness of finals, I was still able to have a great week.  I got to cook some fantastically delicious food, including our traditional Shabbat Indian curry dinner.  Kyle and I visited the Van Gogh museum for a free tour of the current photography exhibit and some mingling with Dutch folk.  I was able to do most of my work in gorgeous cafes, sipping tea and soup and munching on little complementary cookies all the while.  This week reminded me how wonderful the little pleasures in life are when you're living in a place, not merely staying for a few days.  I took breaks from bike rides across the city to sit by the water and hopped into book stores I'd been meaning to meander through for a while.  I drank coffee at my favorite cafes -- it's cool that being here for four months has granted me the ability to have favorites :)  

Proud chef, over here.

YUMMM

Thought this attempt to throw his bike into the Amstel would make for a good pic :)

 

And, as if my semester wasn't exciting enough already, Ashley came to visit (!!) on her way home from her semester abroad in South Africa.  We had so much fun finally being together again and got super excited about living together next semester, as well as next year.  I had initially worried that her visit was ill-timed, situated smack in the middle of my finals week, but it actually gave me quite the motivation to finish two of my three finals before she came.  CHECK!  Although I spent most of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday working on finishing up and editing everything, my mid-week break with a best bud was in fact the perfect study break.

Blurry blurry but happy happy

Dinner at the Pancake Bakery!

I was certainly busier this week than I remember being during most other weeks here, and wish I'd had more time to relax and blog more, but my lack of posts is simply representative of the craziness that is being abroad, the excitement that is finals week and the grand simplicity in being present and caught in the whirlwind of constant activity and commotion that is also calm and constantly rewarding.  

Kyle, Hannah, and I went to Noordermarkt this past weekend to knock off some gift-buying.

Getting ready to return our bikes...so sad.

Hannah on her victory ride

Reasons why I love Amsterdam...fantastic market stand #4948848

Hannah spelling my name with a match!

Oh boy, the packing.

Photos Can't Do It Justice...

...but I thought I'd share a couple from this afternoon's bike ride to my favorite cafe in the Jordaan (a little neighborhood just west of the city center).  These photographs really can't capture the beauty here...just imagine these images over and over again, lining each street (almost all of which are built on canals in the city center), little boats floating by, cyclists ringing their bells, and the clank of your shoes on the cobblestone streets (there is no pavement in the city center)...Only then can you begin to grasp how this 17th century city remains so gorgeous.

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And, of course, my favorite place to work in town :)

Cafe Tuin

Taken from my little study nook :)